Nightly Routine
- Autumn Johnson
- Jun 14
- 1 min read
You can’t hide from your own head.
Believe me, I’ve tried.
Pillow after pillow;
maybe the monsters can’t get me in here.
But what if the monsters don’t need an invitation
because they’ve already taken up residence?
Dissecting piece after piece
of what’s left of me -
let the bell ring!
Next class, please.
We’ve run out of
brain matter.
What matters?
I can’t seem to figure that one out yet.
Someone wants me to know; they won’t stop asking.
Yet my response is always the same -
Feeling.
Explosion.
Nothing.
Exhaustion.
I don’t want to die,
just not exist anymore.
I thought I wanted this madness.
Oh, what I would’ve given.
Now it’s just,
“Leave me alone.”
I want to go home.
Oh, wait.
I can’t seem to figure that one out yet.
I remember what it was like to be me.
She doesn’t know what’s coming.
Maybe I was right before;
maybe I don’t exist anymore.
Am I greater than the sum of what happens?
I can’t -
What was I going to do?
Never mind that.
Wait; I want to know.
Feeling. Explosion.
Cry? Why?
Tremors, just like the ones before.
Yes, I will shake,
I will become an earthquake.
Not THE, no. Just an.
More to come.
Time’s almost up.
Where will I be?
What will I be?
There’s more, I know.
Good days, when will you
just be days?
Because I don’t want to look forward to you.
Eventually, that’s all I’ll do.
Cry.
Nothing.
Save me PLEASE,
I’m scared.
Goodnight
