Smiled Before So You Can Smile Again

Do you know what it’s like to be alone

I mean completely

I mean utterly

Truly alone

Not a tweet, not a hum, not a beep from your phone

Not a call, not a word, not a conversation nearby

Truly alone

Renting stays to stay away even longer

Women in and out

Tears overflowing

Drugs lining tables

Emotions uncontrollable

Who’s this boy

No, this man

It--it wasn’t supposed to end up like this

To be

Truly alone

I thought I’d grown through this pain

So why am I reliving it

Why am I still in this room

Still having these visions

Get out of that bed

She didn’t mean to-

She said you could trust-

She said she’d be there-

She said she’d live-

She said she loved you-

She said she’d fix you-

She...she...

She was just-

And yet you're still alone

You're still getting beaten

You're still begging to stop

You're still running

Even your feet got scabbed

Why won’t it stop

Just go away

I’m not him, I’ve never going to be him, I don’t want him, I hate him, I’m better than him

I disown the thought of him

He is not me, therefore I am not him

I am me

But yet still alone

Maybe I still have to atone for the things I’ve done

I have to stop cutting

I have to stop blaming

I have to stop comparing

I have to stop remembering

I have to stop lying

I have to stop crying

Maybe then – then I’ll heal

I just want to be better. I stayed here

On this existence, on this plane, on this planet

I have to live differently

If one doesn’t love, all that they can offer is hatred

I won’t harbor his hatred

I am alive, hence I must live

To live, I must heal, I must love, I must trust, I must cry

You don’t need them to fix you

You

You will build a better man

Thus, you’ll no longer be alone

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