Residue

Thinking back on all the times I'd rather not think about

The ones that come up when you're trying to sleep at night

Painful memories have a way of sticking to you when you feel most detached from them

When you're at your happiest,

That's when they have a way of reminding you of all the ways you don't deserve it

For me, those memories are all the times that people have taken advantage of me

And what I've wanted,

But I'm impressionable.

So, is it really others' faults that their thoughts and opinions shaped me so abruptly

That the way they thought changed me and ruined my perception of reality

Can I blame them for believing they held such power over me

For letting myself be manipulated

Because I thought it was the only way they'd value me

But why should I be valued by those who would dishonor me

Those who disrespected and violated the younger me

Why do I continue to let my boundaries go amiss

To keep people in my life who'd I later regret,

Why.. do I feel I should earn love from anyone?

And how have I managed to defend every wrong people have done?

I'm tired of feeling sorry for not being what people want,

I think it's time I start trying to find myself.